going back in time, my reflection

I've been reflecting a lot about India lately. They told me it would happen. Sometimes about six months later it suddenly hits you and you start to see how it changed you. So much to my relief, i guess. I thought something was wrong. Now I see that i can so easily break down the walls of this box. Or maybe (to be more anthropological about it) I can see through my imagined community. I'm not as limited as i thought i was, and it is... such a relief. While I know that the world holds horrors, there is a softer side to it that isn't quite as scary as I sometimes think. When you tie yourself in a box, you cannot move, you cannot breath. So let your limits fall away and feel safe again.
Anyone who knows me very well also knows that I like dogs. No, i love dogs. maybe even like them more than most people, haha. This little guy has a sweet face. I couldn't touch him though, and that kills me. I know someone who breeds dogs and sells them for $800. They cannot go to just any home, people have to apply for the dog; it is almost like the adoption of a human child. What a luxury it is to even begin to treat an animal like that. I really don't like that any living creature has to suffer (OKAY, yes i know it is extreme but, I even have quite the guilt complex about loving to eat meat. It's just so good... I have no resolve...) but, they would not live in such bad conditions if it were not for the terrible conditions the people live in.
This man let me take a picture of him and i gave him a rose. He smiled in that way that you know there was that special kind of Hindu appreciation, that small connection you have for a moment in a large universe. He pulls a rickshaw all day on his own two bare feet. I doubt that he even complains about it. Another family on that street lived next to a garbage dump and had a starving skinny naked baby. Their problems don't make my problems disappear, but i can't think of them the same way anymore. If i do, then I missed an important part of that days lesson. That these images stay with me the rest of my life, i feel fortunate that i'm over here, seeing it from this perspective.

Pictures

Sooo, these are a few HK pictures. the one of the boats- if you look at the mountain in the background, it looks like the whole side of it has been scraped off.
And I put my hand on the same place that Jackie Chan put his. We are practically best friends, now.
Across the bay, hong kong island of hong kong. kinda like NY NY, Hawaii hawaii, because once isn't enough.

I don't proof read these.

I have, over the years, grown accustom to a certain feeling of warm, bubbling anticipation. What exactly it is that I am anticipation, I am not entirely sure. It is this excitement that boils to the top, over flowing my emotions with an undue passion for what is to come. Like a renewal of my self and a beginning of something new. But again, exactly what it is that I am anticipating and expecting is completely lost to me. I just know that it happens to me every year when the leaves start to turn and October is about to swift away my summer for good. (With the exception of the year that I was in Hawaii, that year was completely different from every other year…) I think that I haven’t really felt in tune with the seasons in my life for a while, so I’m happy that the feeling has returned, and I’m happy that I can contain it better than when I was younger. Because this feeling makes me feel soo expressive, I am just overflowing with the desire to express my heart to anyone and everyone. Okay, so, I don’t perfectly contain it, as you will see. I’m going to use this opportunity to just talk like crazy and spit out this inner dialog that has been following me around all day! (how very un-Buddhist of me).
So, there I was, standing behind this guy in the dining area at the VU (which have a very beautiful view of the bay, btw) waiting to pop my lunch in the microwave. You can help but notice a person waiting for you in such close proximity. He nervously glances at me. I know exactly how he feels. Or at least I think I do. This inner battle with our human nature and our social constructs. One is telling us, “oh, look- it’s a person. I know that person is there. That person knows I’m here, and they know that I know that they are right there. Next to me. And I’m going to ignore them and pretend that they are not there (even though we are both perfectly aware of each other) because that is the normal thing to do [in our particular culture in this particular context]. We think. But we are not sure.” Gyah! So what do we do? Well, he will stare intently at his food (which doesn’t ever rotate) while I glance back at my bag that I had set at a table to reserve my seat, next to another person I don’t know. I felt that the location was good. A view out the window, so I appear to be preoccupied with the beautiful view, rather than spacing out at a wall as I chew my lunch. Nervous microwave guy has already made himself feel awkward by giving himself away (he knows I caught that nervous glance at me… that will always jab your pride a little). He is almost gleeful to look busy grabbing his food and walking away. I put my food in and someone moves in behind me. I set it for 1 minute and immediately regret that move. What if it wasn’t long enough? If I open it and poke my food and put it back in, is it like taking 2 turns? I quickly decide that I don’t give a shit, I’m not waiting in line again, but to my relief the food is steaming. Usually I make small talk at the microwave to feel less like an ass (which I’m sure has reverse effects) but not today. I didn’t get 4 shots of straight espresso for nothing. I grab my food and move back to my stuff. I find that nervous microwave guy is shocked to find out that he accidentally sat right by my stuff, at the same table with only the protection of 1 chair between us. He does his nervous double glance at me and having been caught a second time looking nervous, he nervously shoves his face back into his book and crams food into his mouth. After that, he glances at me a couple more time, thinking that I don’t notice, and relaxes when he’s comfortable in the knowledge that I don’t seem to notice or care that he’s been today’s nervous guy. Why the hell do I notice all of this? Because quite often I am caught playing the role of nervous girl.

Time to rant. Why the hell don’t we just talk to each other??!?!?!? Well I will tell you why. This very important social rule protects us from having to talk to crazy or annoying people. It also means that if you break the convention you A) no longer be under the protection against annoying people, and/or B) make one of those crazy/annoying people think that because you went so far out of your way to break down that social barrier that you must really like their company and even very likely want their man-chicken (or chick-chicken). Because of course, we want to sleep with every random stranger that we talk to.
But putting that aside, I really hate this social barrier. Sometimes I just want to talk to people. One cold winter day this very beautiful older woman came up to me at the bus station and told me why such a beautiful girl like me looked sad. She said some encouraging works and she made my heart glow with warmth and appreciation for the kindness of human kind. She broke down a social convention to be my angel. I loved her for it and decided that I would go get that warm toasted bialy from the bagelry… wait. Do you think she would have said those words to me if she had known that I had been wondering if I had time to get a bagel before the bus came? It didn’t matter. She touched my heart. Maybe I needed to have that special moment with myself, walking down the street holding and tasting my warm bialy, from a local small business. Maybe I needed that comfort. And needless to say, it made my day a little special.
But it need not be warm fuzzies and comfortable carbs all the time. Sometimes these barriers make people feel lonely. I’m sure I’m not the only lonely person out there floating around. Sometimes I wish someone would just talk to me, other times I’m actually a little weirded out when they do. I think that’s because mostly it is the creepy people who ignore the social rules. I wish that maybe some normal people would talk to people too. Nothing is more awkward than a bus packed full of bright, nice people who are all trying to avoid eye contact with each other.

oh how special.

I took myself out on a date today. went to a temple, had afternoon tea under a waterfall, walked through a clasical chinese garden. then I took myself to a date movie, the proposal. then i was locked out for 2 hours, so i took myself to starbucks, bought myself a greentea frappe, and sat on the board walk looking across the bay at Hong Kong city lights. I held my hand. I'm so romantic, i think i'm in love with me. I think I want to ask me for another date.

Magical places and gifts from the heart

Going to Lantao Island
We got up at a reasonable hour (which was a bit earlier than what I’d been doing) and left the house around 9:30. Grabbed some food (I got a Japanese tuna roll from the bakery- very typical breakfast) and jumped on the bus to Jordan’s subway station. Because we were going to Lantao Island, the subway went under the ocean water and back up onto a beautifully less populated island full of green flora. Once we got to the station, because the sky cable ride was down for maintenance, we took the bus ride up the mountain (the bus really struggled up the slopes). It was absolutely beautiful. You had beautiful mountains on one side of you and ocean with scattered islands and boats on the other side of you, with that perfect humid haze to make it look like a dream or some sort of mystical land. The guide book said it wasn’t jaw droppingly huge, but the statue of the Buddha made my jaw drop, it was so big and beautiful and peaceful feeling and many more “and’s”. I was happy. Walking up the stairs to the statue, it looks like he is looking down at you in his meditative gaze. And all around the statue there were dragon flies, nearly swarming. Like a nest of faeries. Magical. I really loved going there. Even if it was made into such a touristy destination, it was still great. And I somewhat enjoyed the small tourist village built next to it. There was a cool tea shop that had Chinese tea ceremony demonstrations for free and I ended up buying some really special flower tea’s. Also, they had a promotion where if you buy $88 worth of stuff in the shopping area (that is about $11 USD) then you get a free subway pass back you where you are going.
The next day was also a lot of fun. I went with my new friend, Lantai, to her grandmother’s birthday banquet. First she took me to a temple that had a big and beautiful garden, then we stopped by her grandmother’s house and she gave me these cute Chinese paper folded animals. One was a bunny and the other was a swan. She said she would make me a boat too, if I wanted (wish I would have said yes) but I told her it might be hard to take home on the plane (I already had 2 that will have to be taken on carry-on). She had a ton of them all over her house. Made me think of my crafty grandma! One of the funny things that Lantai's grandma would do several times would be to turn to me and say, "do you understand what i'm saying," in cantonese and pointing at her chest, then i would look down, grab my necklace and go, "hugh? this?" and she would laugh (she was really cute).
Dinner was a lot of fun; Lantai’s family is very expressive and fun. I enjoyed talking to her cousin and her dad was definitely the funny guy of the family. I found myself wanting to stare at Lantai’s Grandma’s Maid, Milla from Indonesia. She had such a friendly, beautiful smile that I couldn’t help thinking that Indonesia must miss her.
I ate a lot of new foods that day; I was feeling quite brave. I had octopus, jelly fish, shark fin soup, snale? (she said it was a creature with a spiral shell?), some mystery shell fish that comes in a hinged shell, Lantai says, sort of like an oyster or a clam, but neither of them really. I’m sure there was something else, but I can assure you that on no occasion do I ever imagine myself eating sea cucumber. Looks way too jiggly and jelly and like fat really. I already know I don’t like eating chunks of fat, so no need.
It was really a special event and I had a lot of fun. I can tell now that I’m gunna need a decent job eventually, so that I can come back and bring presents! They have all given me so much! I’ve always felt a little uncomfortable about receiving gifts from people when I don’t feel like I can pay them back, but I think on this trip, the big life lesson I am learning is how to receive. Soooo, for everyone now and in the past and in the future who has given me so many gifts in life, I thank you and hope that I can someday return those gifts, to you or to someone else.

Veggies are good for you, Mmmm-kay?

these skinny people and about halfway through the meal i set my chopsticks down, rub my belly in pain and say i'm full! everyone looks at me in shock and says, "already?!?!?!" I swear that all people do in HK is eat, eat, and sometimes all day we just go from meal to freaking meal and eat. for a whole month. gunna need some new clothes when i back. cowboys have meat and potatoes, HK people have meat and meat... oh and noodles. soooo much meat though! i'm not a big meat person. but at least my mom can't say that i'm not getting enough protein. all i do is eat meat and drink soy milk. today we had hot pocket and it was zll you can eat and i could order as many veggies as i wanted without guilt and man did i ever go to town. i at the most i have yet in HK and that is saying something.

so i got this in my email about food and it made me laugh-



For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

On the Move again!

Hong Kong
Day 1 & 2 @(@#$(*)(*#$%(*
Wait wait, back up, I went to vegas too! It was pretty extravagant. Big buildings, expensive decorations, wildly well dressed girls and loud music, everywhere. When the airport shuttle drove by the Venitian, a French woman next to me said she was impressed, she had lived in Viennese for 10 years and it was a good imitation. The first night we stayed at treasure island. They room was very cozy and the bathroom was big. It was so hot in vegas, and dry. Felt like I would turn to crispy roast chicken in no time. The pool was just like those college parties they show on MTV with loud music, beer, and a ton of people in the pool. It was strange. And walking down the strip was an event. For some reason it seemed strange to me that the hotels themselves were the attraction, rather than just being the place to sleep near the attraction. We went to see a show (not cirque de soleil, but the same creator) called Le Reve. It was a woman’s dream about love I think, and her fear of committing… boring concept, but beautiful show. I loved watching the people flowing through the air with water dripping or people diving from great heights.
Then came the long tired flights. I could barely keep my eye’s open, even as the plane was taking off. I dozed off as the plane was lifting off, opening my eye’s just long enough to look at the strip. On the long flight to Japan I just watched a few movies and ate a lot. Tiffany and I were so tired when we got on the flight from Japan to Hong Kong that I fell asleep and was dead to the world until we landed. I had no trouble sleeping. I fell asleep and didn’t dream or anything. I woke up as directly as I fell asleep. And what is now my dread every morning, I entered a world that was boiling, sweaty, sticky, moist, melting, steamy heat. Except for the urgent need to answer natures call in the morning, I would love to just lounge in the cool dry AC bedroom.
For breakfast we went to a bakery and I ate a beef and mushroom roll. I love the sweet rolls here. My new favorite is the Pineapple roll, but they don’t have pineapple’s in them, they just have a yellow top that somehow must reminds people of pineapple. I thought that manapua’s were good, but the steamed rolls here are even better. Then we sat in window seat at Starbucks. I drank a huge blended coffee drink to celebrate my first morning in HK.
On thing I should mention is, when I woke up that morning, I looked down at my feet and thought, hmm that’s strange, my feet look kinda big. Then on to the – holy shit my feet are huge! You couldn’t hardly even see my ankles! I thought that taking aspirin on the flight would help with swelling and whatnot, but somewhere between the long nights of walking in Vegas and the 24 hour jaunt in the sky, my feet turned into elephant feet.
So, because of my giant elephant feet (which even Tiffany said were scary) those moments like those where I got to just sit in an AC building were the best moments of my day. The rest of the day was spent trying to tolerate, if not ignore the fat pressured, aching, somewhat burning and prickling -and once even an electric shock- feeling running up from my fat f@$%ing elephant feet. But, (thank god) tiffany’s mom took us to a massage parlor where we got a long and amazing foot massage (I love you Yenny!) and it was a life saver. My feet still felt like I was walking on bruises, but less of the stiff feeling, it was so much better.
Later in the day, I went with tiffany to the funeral of a friend of Tiffany’s Mom (Yenny). It took place in a universal funeral home where they have all denominations of funerals. When we were pulling up, there were dozens of police outside the building, stopping every car to see who’s funeral they were visiting. Apparently a big boss or a gangster had been knifed and the police were keeping an eye on it. On the way in I saw a huge paper house that tiffany said was burned to be sent to the world of the dead for that person to use. When we were camping she had told me about some ghost stories where people in the world of the dead were upset if their family did not burn enough stuff for them to use; such as clothing without the buttons. We did not come to a Buddhist funeral because the family was newly converted to Christians. The room was lined with gifts of flowers, filled with white covered chairs, and in the front of the room was a photo of their friend with two red stands at the altar holding fruit, and a couple of cans of Coca-Cola in front of a cross. Tiffany said this was a remnant of their old Buddhist past and that they must have done it because they were still new Christians. I think maybe it was to appease part of the family that may still be Buddhists, or to make them feel better- that they had done everything they could for their loved one. There was a back room where people could go to see the loved one. I would have felt like a voyeur if I had because I already was a stranger at a sensitive event. When guests arrived, a man at the podium would ask you to walk forward, stop in front of the alter and bow your head in a short silent prayer. Then you would bow to the family and talk to them or sit down. This event was especially sad because the man was young and married and left behind two very young children. I even had to turn around once because seeing them cry made me start to cry. Seeing all the people in the building having funerals and knowing that in the next day or so all of the decorations and friendly flowers given by sympathetic friends and businesses would be removed, cleaned up and thrown away; then the world would move forward with or without that person who lost their life.

Later that night we had dinner with a friend at tiffany’s house and then he drove us up to the peak where we could look down at the city lights on Hong Kong Island. It was absolutely stunning. We took a million pictures, but really I just wanted to stare at it like I was looking down at a pile of glittering jewels. Later we walked down a scenic trail, but it was too dark. It was almost like jungle- with big fanning palm leafy plants, bamboo, and twisting banyan trees. Enough for me to wonder what Hong Kong was like before it became the concrete jungle that it is now. I barely made it that night, I was so tired, I couldn’t keep my eyes open for the beautiful view on the way down.
On Day 2 I woke up bright and early again. My feet were not so scary anymore and I didn’t suffer all day like I did the first day. We had breakfast with tiffany’s friends, one who’s name happened to be Bruise Lee (lol) and they were very funny. I ordered a western breakfast, but I think it was English style because it came with mashed potatoes they were covered in baked beans (like the baked bean toast in india??), weird but good; and then there was the very raw sunny side up eggs. I couldn’t eat those. I can’t eat that, because despite what they say, I think there is a health risk (not to mention a texture problem) that I just can’t make myself eat. We later went to the part of town that tifs mom works, walked around, had lunch with her mom (shanghai wonton soup in a café full of puppy pictures). That afternoon we went to the space museum and watched one of those films on a dome. For some reason the Americans came across as evil at the beginning of the film while the soviets were just dandy, haha. Perspective is interesting. But its okay, because everyone gets along in the end.
Later we went to the avenue of the stars, took picture with Bruise Lee’s statue and Jackie Chan’s hand prints (sweet!) and watched the light show on the building of HK island.
Another tired night, but this night was the first time I had dreams! It was weird. Did I mention that? Forgot I guess! The first 2 nights (and on the plane) I was so tired I fell asleep in a snap, and woke up in a snap too. Strange. But now I wake up slow and think about the horror of leaving the air conditioned bedroom.